Tranquila

Want to know what I’m doing right now? Today? In this moment? I’m teaching my nervous system that we do things differently now. It’s been two years of hypervigilance. Two years of living in an elevated state of constant assessing for potential threats. Two years of inflammation. Two years. When I opened the door to this opportunity to upend my life, I said yes to myself. To a fundamental shift. I left my physical “home” and simultaneously began making a home in my body. I am honoring what I need when I need it; whether it’s affection, solitude, water, or sustenance. I am going slow. Every time I ignore my needs I am sending a message to myself that I don’t matter, that my body cannot be trusted, that my inner voice must be modulated by societal norms. I’m done. Each time I catch myself in disorder thinking, I can choose to begin again. But I have to do something to integrate this change in my body if it’s going to stick. I take a walk instead of perseverating. I meditate instead of engaging in a dialogue of fear. I drink some water, eat something nourishing, take a swim. I stop sucking in my tummy. I peel my tongue off the roof of my mouth. I smile at strangers. I show up for myself in all the ways I want the world to show up for me. Sometimes it’s unfamiliar territory. But I remain committed to continually finding my way back to myself. Seré la luz que deseo ver en el mundo. I begin again.

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