Blog

Who’s job IS it?

My husband left a pile of dirty laundry beside the stairs while we are sharing a vacation home with my sister-in-law. I don’t think it belongs there. I am considering moving it so that my sister-in-law won’t think she has to take care of it. I don’t know that she would. This is insignificant. IContinue reading “Who’s job IS it?”

I’m still so afraid of having people see me trip. But maybe this is important, for other people to see me be human, to see me change, to see me grow

My whole life since 6 yrs old I have been afraid of losing my mom. It was (before I had children) the worst thing I could imagine happening. Then I lost my mom and I survived. And suddenly I had this new perspective on life. Like, if I survived that, think of what else IContinue reading “I’m still so afraid of having people see me trip. But maybe this is important, for other people to see me be human, to see me change, to see me grow”

Trauma

I used to think that I needed to have an excuse for my mental illness. Some history of deep trauma. Some catastrophic episode to explain my suffering or a series of unfortunate events to validate my need to seek help. But maybe, this is just one more thing the world has told me that IContinue reading “Trauma”

JOY

Yesterday, I walked out into the freezing rain and instantly felt tired. The cold made me angry. The sky was dark and grey and sad. When I cannot see the sun, I forget that it is there. I am reminded of all the suffering in the world. I feel it seeping into my bones alongContinue reading “JOY”

MUSIC

It’s been a year and a half. A year and a half of crying, meditating, breathing, and praying. A year and a half of learning, of adapting. It’s been full and messy and eye opening. And it has all happened without a soundtrack. Music told too many stories, evoked too many memories. I was alreadyContinue reading “MUSIC”

Burnt

Some days I am all sparkles and sunshine. Life is smiling and I find gratitude easy! Other days I am burnt out as hell, overwhelmed, ill, or just plain sad. And in these times, I find that I am extraordinarily irritated by people who say things like “life is short, don’t take a minute ofContinue reading “Burnt”

Before

You only know me as mom. The most beautiful title I have ever been given. But I lived a lifetime before you were born. I have also been called daughter, sister, friend, and accomplice. I have been girlfriend, lover, enemy, and ex. I have been a warrior and an outcast. I have abandoned people andContinue reading “Before”

HOME

Today I opened my phone and saw a picture of home. And suddenly I wanted to be there with an ache that rose from somewhere so deep it took my breath away. Even as I write this from the place I currently call “home”. What I am missing is a feeling of security and familiarity.Continue reading “HOME”

Sacred

My house is a mess. Almost all of the time. It is cluttered. There are milk stains on the couches and crayon on the walls. I would like it to be different. But in order for it to be different I would have to be different. They would have to be different. So instead, IContinue reading “Sacred”

Beginnings

I am learning that death is but a beginning. What you were beginning, I cannot know. What we were beginning was a new life, one that no longer had you in it. Not physically anyway. That day, I lay my hands on your chest and felt your last breath become air. Felt your heart stopContinue reading “Beginnings”

Loading…

Something went wrong. Please refresh the page and/or try again.


Follow My Blog

Get new content delivered directly to your inbox.

%d bloggers like this: